Thursday 26 June 2014

Not your typical romantic...

I am by no means an overly-romantic kind of person. Most of my friends can vouch for this. I do, however, believe we are all worthy of the kind of love that gives us purpose.

Now, before people start biting my head off saying “we shouldn’t wait for somebody to give us purpose,” let me say I agree with you. I am not saying we as females should sit at home crocheting beanies and refining our culinary skills until Prince Holy-and-Charming arrives at our doorstep (even if the way to a man’s heart is generally through his stomach).
What I am saying is that often we put up obstacles for ourselves while searching for love. We convince ourselves we are unworthy, that we are somehow “not good enough.” We allow our insecurities to dictate our lives and our interactions with others. We let our baggage stop us dead in our tracks instead of letting it go and walking ahead.

The problem is that we only know what we are worthy of when we know ourselves – really know ourselves. God know us completely, and we need to view ourselves through His eyes. We would not settle if we valued ourselves the way Our Father in Heaven values us. How do we know God and thus know ourselves? Spend time in prayer, receive the Sacraments and study your faith. Where our heart is, there our treasure is also.
Often I get the feeling that the world’s idea of love was inspired by Greek mythology, even if most do not know it. It is said that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them – soul mates.

Seems romantic, but what a burden to impose on another person! Our identity is in Christ – not in another person. I don’t buy into the idea that God created us for freedom, that He loves us so much that He gives us free will, only to have us all pre-programmed with some matching partner in the universe that we need to find to be complete. He was crucified and has risen from the dead in order that “we may have life and have it abundantly,” not for us to “have life and have it abundantly as long as a member of the opposite sex validates us.”
Nobody expects you to be perfect. Those that do don’t deserve you. Further, it is when we search for perfection in others that our own imperfections are illuminated further. Our partner should complement us, not complete us.  In order for this to happen, we need to accept that we are flawed, and that our partner will be too (unless your spouse is Christ, lucky duck!).

“Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.”
Mark Hack
See, I don’t think romantic love is about seeing the other as perfect despite their imperfections. It is about sacrificing for them despite their many flaws. It is not about erasing or nullifying somebody’s past heart-breaks and disappointments, but allowing the other to see the good that God intended by allowing hardships in their life. As Christians, suffering takes on a whole new salvific meaning.

Love is definitely not about hiding away from the parts of us we don’t necessarily parade for all to see. We all have parts of us that aren’t all that pretty, but the best kinds of relationships are between two people who embrace each other’s brokenness and show one another how much goodness each and every one of us can bring, and how much difference we can all make to humanity – just the way our Creator intended it. Trying to change someone to suit yourself only showcases your own narcissism in wanting to see your own reflection in your 'beloved.'
The most human thing in the world is wanting somebody you love to pour their love into the cracks that made you who you are. That is how love gives us purpose – making somebody a better version of themselves, because without our imperfections we aren’t really us.


Thursday 19 June 2014

The *Real* Feminine Mystique...

When I was younger, my mum told me something I thought was ridiculous – or maybe it was simply something I didn’t want to hear. She told me that everything wrong with the world; specifically everything wrong with relationships comes down to women.

According to her, women ruined everything.
At the time I thought she was insane, but as time goes on I understand more and more what she meant and why ‘mother knows all’ (even if she does exaggerate just a tad…).
See, women didn’t ruin everything because of some chauvinistic idea that women are worthless idiots. Nor did they ruin everything because of some ridiculous fundamentalist ‘the-human-body-is-dirty’ idea that women are temptresses whose sensuality has men not being able to act, well – like men.

No, women ruined everything because they forgot who they are. They have forgotten their value and have therefore reduced themselves to objects. Treat yourself as an object –and eventually people will objectify you. They will treat you as a thing to be used. It never fails to shock me when I read commentaries or articles about people lamenting the sexualisation of girls only to praise the ‘freedom’ the sexual revolution gave men and women everywhere in the very next breath.
The sexual revolution did not free mankind, it turned us into slaves: slaves to the false gods of sex, materialism and pleasure.

I am not putting this on women. I am simply stating that as the self-proclaimed ‘fairer sex,’ we can be better, forcing men to follow suit.
Conventional (modern!) feminism (furthermore to be known as ‘feminazism’) tells women that only by being sexually liberated can they truly be free.

I am not a conventional modern day feminist. I believe in intelligent, ambitious women. I believe in education, equal work for equal pay, high heels and make-up. I also believe in class, modesty (the body needn’t be paraded in order to be validated) and chastity (humans are more than simply instinct-driven creatures). Above all, I believe there is no greater gift to mankind than motherhood. There is no job even half as important.
Any woman who considers choosing to stay with your children a form of slavery spits in the face of countless generations of strong intelligent women before them who did just that. This was not necessarily because they were forced, but because they understood what feminazis tried to make us forget: nobody can raise a child better than a mother.

I believe in the power of femininity so much that I believe women (mothers especially!) shape society. Archbishop Fulton Sheen puts it better than I (most people do…):
To a great extent the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood. When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.
“The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.” Wow.
See, women often complain about the lack of chivalry exhibited by men, but do nothing to entice a man to be chivalrous. Women complain that gone are the ‘real men,’ yet they often settle for the first testosterone-driven crooner who can act as genuinely interested in you as the last ‘flavour of the month.’ In short, women complain that men are pigs who use women, yet they not only allow themselves to be used, but often chase men whose ‘affections’ they know will be short-lived – or worse yet, use men in the same way.

I do not have a doubt in my mind that should women step up, men will be forced to follow suit. Countless heroes have found their principal inspiration and motivation in the love of a woman; and yet femininity is under threat. Women are becoming more crude and masculine; while men are trending toward femininity. I can only consider this a form of barbarity.
Being a woman is not about exhibiting a hatred of men or spending your life throwing pebbles at a glass ceiling – being a woman is about virtue, because only if women recognise their true worth will they be treated accordingly, and only then can society reach the fullness of truth, goodness and beauty.



Winged eyeliner, lipstick and pearls: always perfect with a good book.
Those gloves may make it hard to turn the pages, though.

Monday 9 June 2014

Warts & All...

Coming off the feast of Pentecost this Sunday, commonly known as the ‘birthday of the Church, I was somewhat inspired to blog because - 
I’m in love… warts and all.
A friend of mine once told me there are two places one will always feel at home, no matter where they are in the world: McDonalds and a Catholic Church.
Whilst I’d like to profess my love for the fast food giant that provides me my favourite snack (cheeseburgers make me so so so happy), I can almost hear my waistline, arteries and doctor jointly scolding me.
The Catholic Church is home. She is also imperfect.
The Church we love is as flawed and messed up as we are, and the fact that She is Christ’s bride despite this gives me comfort.
Why? Because the Church MUST be flawed.
The Lord Himself told us that the sheep and the goats would be mingled together – just like the wheat and the weeds. Take a close look at his disciples. They were traitors, cowards, doubters, even men who were once notorious for the persecution of Christians! Would the Lord permit these men to be His apostles if He wasn’t teaching us something?
Jesus Christ was trying to show us that He came to call all sinners to repentance. We need Him because we are frail, and as such, the Church must be a place where the frail gather to be nourished by the good news and repentance of Our Lord. Only through the nourishment of His body, blood, soul and divinity can we live forever, and Christ gave this to his Church at the Last Supper – the Church He Himself ordained through the first Pope, St. Peter. In other words: the Eucharist is food for the weak, not a reward for the perfect.
Abigail Van Buren – otherwise known as ‘Dear Abby’ – famous for her one liners (she once told a woman the only cure for a married man that can't stay away from other women was ‘rigor mortis’) clarified that 'the church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.'
She definitely hit the nail on the head with that latter statement. See, if one is not sick, there is no need to visit the spiritual doctor. No faithful Catholic would ever pretend they are not vulnerable. The Church is full of sinners and hypocrites – we all feel right at home there, and welcome others (that’s YOU!) to feel the same. *There is always room for one more hypocrite.*
People are full of criticism for an institution founded by Christ Himself, but fail to see the flaws in their own finite logic.
They tell you the Church is over-programmed, but they think of endless complex resource hungry things for Her to do. They hate the Church’s hierarchical nature, but then complain leadership is poor and in the very next breath complain that ‘nobody should try and tell them what to do.’ People complain the Church is ‘not diverse enough,’ yet the Church is the only institution that combines people of every race and culture seamlessly – and these same people are those whose opinions rarely differ from those they surround themselves with in order to boost their egos. People then have the audacity to claim the Church is too worried about ‘appearances,’ but spend insane amounts of time reminding the Church of all the bigoted opinions against her. They call out people and condemn them for judging “the spiritual path of other believers who are dedicated to pleasing God and blessing people,” and then they blast the traditional church in the most disgusting of ways.
People want the Church to solve social problems, but should the Church get involved in social justice initiatives, it is criticised for being ‘too political,’ and ‘imposing a belief system where it does not belong.’ The Church is too rich they say – but take a vow of poverty and you’re mental. I don’t know, but maybe the world would rather She destroy the priceless art and buildings that are entrusted to Her care? Or would they rather the Church put an end to all Her charity work? Perhaps those people who consider themselves so enlightened would care to remember the Church *started* universities and has contributed in the most unparalleled of ways to universal education… maybe they have forgotten the contribution She has made to Science and the Arts?
No, they haven’t forgotten, but they choose to remain blissfully unaware of anything that questions their bias and any opinion that could render them ACTUALLY non-conformist. That’s why a great (young!) priest told his parishioners that we ‘need to stand up for the Catholic genius, with intellectual vigour and moral courage – clothed in holiness.’
See, the Church when looked at as a ‘cure-all’ solution is always going to fail, but no other institution has this burden thrust upon them.
Maybe if the same people mocking and sighing put as much time and effort into actually learning what the Church teaches as they do whinging, they’d learn that despite all the sins of Her past, despite the abominable sins of the minority of clergy as of late, and despite all Her warts, the Church is a divine institution. She teaches truth, and despite all Her persecution, this teaching has been constant, as promised by the only Son of God.
Let’s not forget that you and I are the Church – we are the members of the mystical body of Christ. Let’s fix what we see in the mirror, because only Saints can fulfil the vision for the world that so many have.  We can hardly critique the Bride of Christ if we ourselves aren’t perfect, huh?
... a skateboarding friar. Your argument
is invalid.