Being a girl is not as easy as it looks...

Let’s be honest here: I think even men should admit to themselves how easy they really have it. being a female is *freaking exhausting*, and I’ll tell you why:

Below are my top 4 reasons – bar biological – why women hate life.

1.     Talking:

Girls have to talk about everything all the time. All. The. Time. ALLLLL THE TIME. We talk about everything – what we ate during the day, we talk about our feelings, we talk about what we did at work – why/how we did it/the reasons we loathe working (deep down, I think it’s just that we all know we belong in the kitchen), we talk about our feelings and how we feel about feeling said feelings, we talk about why we hate boys (yes, all of you – even if we like you, we don’t), we talk about our feelings – and when that’s exhausted, there’s always talking about what other people ate/how they feel/what they did at work/why we hate them/how they feel.

Frankly, I feel like it’s all just a little too tiring.

2.     Food:

This may shock you, but women are so pre-occupied with food, it’s infuriating. Once we’ve finished thinking about what we ate, we move on to reminding ourselves why we shouldn’t have eaten it. Before we know it, we’re planning our next meal and pep talking ourselves out of it. This is quite a lengthy process, and before we’ve had the time to rebuild our self-esteem (not to mention our self-control), we have eaten this forbidden ‘next meal’ and are in the foetal position in the once again lengthy process of regretting the effects of it. This contributes to a cycle of insecurity that can only be broken with copious amounts of chocolate.

This, ladies and gentlemen – is the reason all women hate themselves.

3.     Money:

Being a girl is expensive. We need things boys don’t know the names of nor would ever willingly pay for even if they did know their names. Besides pants (for those who keep up with modern day social convention) and possibly a pair of sneakers – guys don’t really need anything. Girls on the other hand, spend money on things called:

-        Curling tongs/Crimpers

-        Party Feet

-        Pantihose

-        Toggle Bracelets

-        Totes (not always slang for ‘totally’)

-        Foldable Purse Hangers

-        Tulle (if the phrase ‘A-Line with a Tulle Underlay’ means nothing to you, you live a much less complicated life than I)

-        Falsies

If I were a guy, I’d be rich (you know, if I wanted to die alone and not have a significant female other who would spend all my money on ornate doilies). Nobody ever said life would be easy.

4.     Grooming:

I know what you’re thinking. 1 of 2 things:

a)     Girls worry about this too much – what for?

b)     Guys have to do it too.

RE: a) no, we don’t. Girls HAVE to worry about looking decent – and looking decent takes time. To all the boys who complain about this: I’d like to see you react if your girl rocks up somewhere with something that bears an uncanny resemblance to a nest on her head, her eyebrows unplucked, nails chipped with fortnight-old nail polish, clothes tatty and old (let’s not even get started on how hard it is to find funky, fashionable ladylike clothes) and a complete disregard for her skin – among other things. My guess is you would not be pleased. Give us a break – if we could avoid it, we would.

RE: b) no, you don’t. Getting a haircut and clipping your facial hair every 2 weeks doesn’t count. Just in case – showering doesn’t either.

 
     I know, I haven’t ranted (much!) about guys here. Why? Because we’re *insane* independent of boys – they just add to our woes. Let’s save that discussion for another day.

When all is said and done, though – thank goodness we’re the fairer, smarter sex – or there would be some serious ass whooping. Plus, at least our shoes are more fun. Guys will never know the relief of taking off a pair of seriously gorgeous, seriously high, seriously designed-by-Lucifer-himself heels at the end of the night. That alone is worth all the fleeting drama in the world.