He is also living proof that you can fall in love absolutely
in love and then… well, forget.
Jonathan used to love the rosary. Jonathan knows it is a
mortal sin not to attend mass on Sundays. He knows this so well that if he did
happen to go to mass and had not attended confession, he would not dare receive
communion.
It was the fact that he knew all of this and yet was not in
a state of grace that truly broke my heart.
Jonathan went from daily rosaries and weekly mass to desperate,
sporadic prayer and mass a few times a year. He went from examining his
conscience regularly to ignoring that little voice in his head (God’s) and that
loud voice in his ear (me) telling him he was selling himself short, that he
was missing the mark, that he was made for greatness and yet was settling for
much less than mediocrity.
My heart was so broken by this that it caused many an
argument between My Lord and I. I would tell Him how much I was hurting (like
He didn’t already know). I would lament HIS lack of action (humble, I know). I
would cry and I would beg and I would ask Him why He was ignoring me, why I
couldn’t hear or feel Him – why He wouldn’t just fix it.
I would pray (not hard enough), then I would do everything I
could to bring Jonathan back. I tried lecturing him (FYI – it never works). I
tried encouraging him by working my own Sunday mass times around his schedules
and begging him to come. I tried asking his friends to come with me, hoping if
they came he may be more inclined to make an effort. I tried everything I could
think of.
Everything, that is, except leaving it to God.
I’ve told this story in part before.
At my first silent retreat, I took to reading ‘Confessions’
by St. Augustine. Augustine was a wicked youth. His mother, St. Monica, prayed
for him so earnestly that even on her deathbed, she told him that his
conversion was all she lived for. Augustine recorded her words to this effect:
"son, nothing in this world now affords me delight. I do not know what
there is now left for me to do or why I am still here, all my hopes in this
world being now fulfilled."
Mama Mons, as I like to call her, never gave up on
Augustine, no matter how wicked he got or how hopeless the situation seemed. One
day, while she was weeping and begging a Bishop to speak to him and convince
him out of moving to Milan, lest he be lost forever, the bishop got frustrated
and wisely told her, 'the son of all these tears cannot be lost.' It was in
Milan that he met St. Ambrose and was converted - the rest is history.
Monica’s steadfastness and the faith of this wise bishop
convinced me that the son of all my tears would not be lost, either. My beloved
Lord was not ignoring me – rather, He was simply sleeping in my boat, and, like
the apostles, I lacked the faith to let Him weather the storm. In order for us
to allow the Lord to deliver, we must keep Him company, not disturbing His
slumber. This means prayer and trust, hand in hand, never neglecting one or the
other.
With this in mind, St. Rita (patroness of impossible causes)
joined Augustine and Monica in Our Church Triumphant dream-team. Most
efficaciously of all, this team was captained by the Queen of Heaven and Earth,
who could not ignore the pleadings of Jonathan’s earthly mother after she entrusted
her son’s soul to this marvellous advocate.
It was this abandonment to Christ that was finally the
catalyst for Jonathan’s coming home, and it was, without a doubt, the most
wonderful miracle I have ever witnessed. After what felt like many, many tears
over many, many years, what we had most desired happened in the most sublimely simple and yet most
astonishingly wondrous fashion.
Jonathan met a couple of wonderful Catholics who simply and
subtly loved him into Jesus’ embrace. They watched sports together, found
things in common with him and through the world of friendship, showed Him
Christ.
Very soon after this, Jonathan went to mass of his own
accord. The week after, I looked over at the confession line during mass and
saw him standing there, waiting to receive the healing of Christ. My joy in
seeing that cannot ever be described. Only in Heaven can anybody ever
comprehend what I felt in that moment. It was then that the reality of Christ’s
love became evident to me: Christ desires Jonathan so much because his soul is
more precious than all of creation.
The creator of Heaven and Earth fashioned the stars and
allowed the oceans to roar for Jonathan alone. He came to Earth, suffered,
died, resurrected, ascended, sent His Holy Advocate and now waits in the
tabernacle day and night for Jonathan alone. He waits day and night, captive,
alone, abandoned – all for Jonathan alone.
The Lord answered our pleadings because He does not want to
spend eternity without His most precious children. Our requests are not foreign
to Him – He knows the deepest desires of our hearts, and He desires our
salvation and the salvation of those we love more than we ever could. Jonathan
taught me that nobody is ever lost. Jonathan taught me that love conquers all,
that Our Lord does not let us suffer in vain, and that hope is a virtue that
can overcome all hardship.
Expecting miracles of our Lord is not self-absorbed, and it
is not naiveté. It is what He asked of us when we were told to put our trust in
Him – and when we do, OH the rewards.
How can we ever doubt His love when miracles surround us in
every moment? If only we had the eyes to see and the hearts to believe…
Jesus calmed the storm... but not before letting the disciples
know He would probably have preferred
a few more minutes of shut-eye...
No comments:
Post a Comment