Not your typical romantic...

I am by no means an overly-romantic kind of person. Most of my friends can vouch for this. I do, however, believe we are all worthy of the kind of love that gives us purpose.

Now, before people start biting my head off saying “we shouldn’t wait for somebody to give us purpose,” let me say I agree with you. I am not saying we as females should sit at home crocheting beanies and refining our culinary skills until Prince Holy-and-Charming arrives at our doorstep (even if the way to a man’s heart is generally through his stomach).

What I am saying is that often we put up obstacles for ourselves while searching for love. We convince ourselves we are unworthy, that we are somehow “not good enough.” We allow our insecurities to dictate our lives and our interactions with others. We let our baggage stop us dead in our tracks instead of letting it go and walking ahead.

The problem is that we only know what we are worthy of when we know ourselves – really know ourselves. God know us completely, and we need to view ourselves through His eyes. We would not settle if we valued ourselves the way Our Father in Heaven values us. How do we know God and thus know ourselves? Spend time in prayer, receive the Sacraments and study your faith. Where our heart is, there our treasure is also.

Often I get the feeling that the world’s idea of love was inspired by Greek mythology, even if most do not know it. It is said that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them – soul mates.

Seems romantic, but what a burden to impose on another person! Our identity is in Christ – not in another person. I don’t buy into the idea that God created us for freedom, that He loves us so much that He gives us free will, only to have us all pre-programmed with some matching partner in the universe that we need to find to be complete. He was crucified and has risen from the dead in order that “we may have life and have it abundantly,” not for us to “have life and have it abundantly as long as a member of the opposite sex validates us.”

Nobody expects you to be perfect. Those that do don’t deserve you. Further, it is when we search for perfection in others that our own imperfections are illuminated further. Our partner should complement us, not complete us.  In order for this to happen, we need to accept that we are flawed, and that our partner will be too (unless your spouse is Christ, lucky duck!).

“Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.”
Mark Hack

See, I don’t think romantic love is about seeing the other as perfect despite their imperfections. It is about sacrificing for them despite their many flaws. It is not about erasing or nullifying somebody’s past heart-breaks and disappointments, but allowing the other to see the good that God intended by allowing hardships in their life. As Christians, suffering takes on a whole new salvific meaning.

Love is definitely not about hiding away from the parts of us we don’t necessarily parade for all to see. We all have parts of us that aren’t all that pretty, but the best kinds of relationships are between two people who embrace each other’s brokenness and show one another how much goodness each and every one of us can bring, and how much difference we can all make to humanity – just the way our Creator intended it. Trying to change someone to suit yourself only showcases your own narcissism in wanting to see your own reflection in your 'beloved.'

The most human thing in the world is wanting somebody you love to pour their love into the cracks that made you who you are. That is how love gives us purpose – making somebody a better version of themselves, because without our imperfections we aren’t really us.